Pipe Dreams

My pipe dreams upon moving back included giving my momma enough respite to live her life, take a shower, relax with a book, go to the desert on a long, peaceful walk all by her lonesome, even take a trip to visit her now only friend. My dreams were quickly crushed by that wretched disease that in my dad's case has allowed him only one touchstone, my mom. When I first moved back, I could get him to go with me to the store, to the park, to just about anywhere with only a little hesitation. Now, I literally have to beg him and he begs back, "please don't make me go, please don't make me leave" until I win with a guilt trip and he grudgingly gets up, prepares and walks out the door. If it's a walk we're going on, he walks 20 feet in front of me and doesn't talk until about ten minutes in when I try to engage him in his favorite topics: growing up in NY, Vietnam, Peace Corps, or Jimmy V.-his mafioso childhood friend. If we're in the car, he asks where momma is about twenty times until I get him into the same above topics and then he's ok.
These realizations have forced me to once again reconsider my decision to move home. I have to go back to living my life, so after only 6 months away, I have made the decision to move back to Austin. I'm not sure how long I'll be there or what I'm going to do, but I feel right in Austin in a way I haven't been able to fit in El Paso. I gave it a fair chance. So there I go, pipe dreams shot down and killed. Sorry mom, sorry Lilypons and Midge, I tried.